Transformation
In my first summer of teaching, I was afraid of the students, of conflict, of being the center of attention, of doing anything wrong and being considered a bad teacher. My self-evaluations, specifically the weaknesses sections, were short novels. I compared myself to the other first year teachers in my room - who all had different teaching styles - and felt like I fell short: they were more outgoing, more commanding, more knowledgeable, came up with more interactive assignments for the students, were better at talking with students, and on and on. I taught from the back of the classroom so I would have less eyes on me. I tried
Dear 2015-Megan,
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You are just weeks away from your college graduation! How exciting! You have your school placement and are waiting to receive more information about the upcoming MTC orientation. You ask yourself on a weekly basis if you can really survive two years in the Mississippi Teacher Corps. When you think about teaching in your own classroom, being scrutinized by teenagers, it's difficult to picture. I know you are anxious, so I have some teaching advice for you. I think you might find it useful in the coming years.
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Be unapologetic.
Seriously, stop apologizing every time you ask students to read or write. They are at school to learn, which involves writing or reading in some capacity. If you want to save paper and have them copy a vocabulary paragraph from the board, do it. If you want them to read and annotate a story independently, do it. Let them groan and complain, even sarcastically agree that you’re the worst, but don’t apologize. Learning takes work and that’s not something you need to apologize about.
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Do not bribe students to work.
You will regret it. This is specifically in reference to the times you gave your students extended writing assignments and placated their irritation by allowing them listen to music. Once you give them this, they will ask to listen to music any time they have independent practice. It doesn’t matter what kind of assignment they are working on, how many times you tell them no, or how resolute you are in turning down their requests. They will not let it go.
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Give consequences and be consistent.
Sometimes you are going to get overwhelmed by the constant talking and whispering that occurs in your larger classes. Do your best to give consequences; don’t just give up. Don’t let students tell you who was actually talking or argue with them (no matter how difficult that may be). Consistency in consequences will further proceduralize classroom behavior, but it is also one of the most difficult things to do in the classroom.
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Be assertive.
You know what’s inherently confrontational? Giving consequences, running a classroom, and being a leader. You are going to butt heads with people from time to time and I know your first instinct is to walk away. Teaching students to be disciplined individuals means you can't back off in giving consequences. Worry less about whether you’re being confrontational and demand that students follow your rules and rise to your expectations. You will find the line between assertive and aggressive. You are the teacher, so take control and do not tolerate behavior you don't like.
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Make sure your grading makes sense.
This will save you from some intense anxiety during parent-teacher conferences. If a parent's student is not doing well, they will want to see why. Save tests, do not make completion grades count as major grades, and take the time to grade some daily assignments a little more closely. I know you’re busy trying to prepare for classes and grading is the last thing you want to do with your limited free time, but graded work is your undeniable proof for failing students.
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Call parents.
For the love of god, reach out to more parents. I won’t lie to you; this part of the job still causes you great stress. But make those parent phone calls anyway. Show them you care and maybe they will start to care a little more too. Parent phone calls generally work in your favor. Don’t let parents blame you for their child’s choices and don’t unnecessarily take on blame or wallow in guilt for all the little things you don’t/can't do in the classroom. I know it scares you, but suck it up and call some parents.
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Enjoy the good moments.
Don't be so negative all the time. Students are people too, simultaneously sweet and mean. Even if the moments are fleeting, appreciate the good times you have with your students or all the bad moments will weigh you down.
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Be patient.
Be prepared for the outbursts and the complaints (This is too much! Why are we always writing in here? Why do we have to read independently? Etc.). Give those students the appropriate consequences, make it clear to the class that reading and writing only improve with practice, and move on.
You are working with students who have not had the same advantages you’ve had. Many won’t appreciate what you do for them as a teacher or understand why you’re so nitpicky about classroom behavior. Give students some space and time to respond to a verbal cue before jumping to a consequence. Don’t let the rude, offhand comments of disgruntled students get you down. Recognize they could be having a bad day. It's not always about you. If you don’t give up on them, most of them won’t give up on you. All you need is time and patience.
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Forgive yourself of your shortcomings.
You are one person doing the best she can. You are teaching in a critical needs district with an understaffed administrative team. These are your first two years of teaching and you will have a total of six preps over those two years. You have no previous materials, lesson plans, or curriculum maps except a grammar UbD you made in summer school. Your district does not have a pacing guide or an instructional coach. You have so many things working against you that having something to teach or do in class everyday should be a victory.
Will most of your lessons suck your first year? Undoubtedly yes. However, teaching isn’t something you’re intuitively good at and you will need practice – lots and lots of practice – to feel more comfortable commanding a classroom. Always have high expectations for yourself, but don’t forget to cut yourself some slack.
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Finally, hang in there! You will survive this, so have a little faith in yourself.
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Read the original letter: To Myself, Six Months Ago
A Letter to Myself Two Years Ago
As I am finishing my second year of teaching, I admit those doubts and insecurities never went away completely. I was and am worried that I haven't taught my students nearly half the things they need to learn from an ELA class. I did learn to adapt, though, and my confidence grew the more I taught. I now teach from the front of the room. I still don't like being the center of focus, but it's easier to make sure students are on task when I can see their faces. Confrontation, while unsettling, doesn't terrify me as much either. I even broke up a fight in my classroom earlier this year. Confrontation isn't always avoidable when you're working with young people who have their own priorities and agendas. I am assertive when I need to be, and don't back down as easily when students are doing something I don't like. I still think of ways to improve my lesson from one class to the next. I am better at improvising solutions and less prone to panicking when I have to come up with something completely new to teach.
I am still (and will forever be) a perfectionist. I am still hard on myself. I wanted to continue growing as a teacher, so I had to be critical of what I was doing in the classroom. I cared about doing my job well and being present at school. Sure, I got overwhelmed by aspects of the job - the kids, their attitude, the paperwork, the grading, the planning, and the managing - but I was a consistent adult presence in my students' lives that expected them to work hard while they were in my classroom. I may have gotten frustrated and students may have told me they don't want to be in my classroom, but my efforts were worthwhile. I have grown a lot as a person and as teacher in these past two years. It's only the start.
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Read more reflections from my time in the Mississippi Teacher Corps:
One Semester Down, Three More to Go
School Year's Resolutions, Updated
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Was MTC a transformative experience? I don’t want to sound sappy or sentimental. At my core, I am still me, Megan Lindsay, who grew up in Missouri and left when the opportunity presented itself. But I have also been living in Mississippi for six years now, officially one-fourth of my life. It would be difficult not to change and grow as a person in that time. I will always feel like me. You can’t feel yourself changing, not really.
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to time everything out on my lesson plans, which made me dependent on my clipboard. I juggled tickets, the clicker, tracking behavior, and time management. I was self-conscious and hard on myself, but most of all anxious.
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Self-Eval, Summer 2015
Self-Eval, Summer 2016
